From: Shane P.
Date: October 27, 2009
To: Shileta G.
Subject: I Love You
Dear Shileta,
In between the silence apathy echoes in the emptiness of my chest. You could have dug into my flesh with the dullest of blades and I would have welcomed your knife because those cuts will always scab and heal.
I wonder if you think of me.
Sometimes I can’t find words to speak of my sorrow. My love, the very definition of Misery. She loves my company and so does everyone else I threw away. Now I’m back, lies against the wind and on my loneliest of days I can still hear you like a song among the trees banging in my head. Banging along the leaves. Panic through manic emotions pleasing agony.
I could have lifted you, but instead left you there to hang. Dangling from the tips of my fingers. Hooked on what it feels like to die.
I am the tortured, a cyclone of emotive disaster with a crown of every sin represented in thorns.
Here I come to you on bending knees confessing aloud my sins. I know true remorse isn’t just a regret of consequences but of motive. Forgiveness might not change our past but it can alter our future.
You are like a sweet forest of pleasant glades and whispering branches where people wander on and on in its playing shadows they know not how far. And when they come near the center of it, it is all cold and impenetrable and when they turn to run. They are hedged with thorns and cannot escape…
You are like the bright, soft, swelling, lovely fields of a high glacier covered with fresh morning snow which is heavenly to the eye. Soft and winning on the foot but beneath, there are winding clefts and dark places in its cold, cold ice, where men fall, and rise never again. Men like me who have turned your heart into an ice box.
I do not know how to express or analyze the conflicting emotions that have surged like a storm through my heart all night long. I only know that first and foremost in all my thoughts has been the glorious confirmation you gave me the other night. Without effort, unconditionally giving me a chance to right all my wrongs I’ve inflicted against your love for me.
You have the greatest soul, the humblest nature, the sweetest, most loving heart I have ever known, and my love, my reverence, my admiration for you, you have increased every evening I’ve known you as I should have thought only a lifetime of intimate, loving association could have increased them.
You are more wonderful and lovely in my eyes than you ever were before; and my pride and joy and gratitude that you should love me with such a perfect love are beyond all expression, except in some great poem which I cannot write.
Sincerely,
Shane
