From: Shileta G.
Date: September 16, 2009
To: Shane P.
Subject: Heartbreak
Dear Shane my Distant Love,
I question our love. I’ve questioned myself every night since we’ve made that official vow in monogamy-to be true to one another at all cost. I don’t question whether or not I love you-I know that I love you. And for all that has taken place over the past two weeks I applauded the effort you’ve put forth to make this work, but in the end I feel as though I will never be able to love you fully-I will never be in love with you. I feel as if I’m a burden to your heart as you are to mine, but I know only one of our hearts honestly feels that way and I’m sad to say that its mine. It hurts my pen to scribe such lines. Lines penned due to indifference and my emotional state of confusion. So I write this hoping it will bring some clarity to all the things that plague me now and in weeks past. Being with you is still being without you. I am at best still the same. Can’t say that I’m happier being with you because I don’t know what actually being with you is like. We hold the titles of the roles we auditioned to play. Yet I believe that this can only end in tragedy. With me breaking your heart and you hating me for it. Like Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet we are in my eyes star crossed lovers. To me this love is not meant to be. Not like this, not in this moment. With me on chapter 22 and you on 26 I feel the things we want are the same but me I’m not willing to make such changes not now, not yet. I would ask you to wait for me but I know that’s not where your heart is…so I’ll let you go in hopes that you’ll remember the best of ‘us’ and in time forgive me for any pain I’ve caused. This is not good-bye this is see you later for the future. For that day when we may cross paths again and everything a new.
This is not something that I wish that your eyes glance upon. For in my moment of weakness I just need to vent.
Truly Yours,
Shileta :*
