Relentlezthoughtz's Blog

Love Letter 13

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:37:54 +0000

From: Shane P.

Date: November 8, 2009

To: Shileta G.

Subject: I Love You

Dear Shi,
I’ve learned through many experiences that love built primarily on physical attractiveness is predestined to be short lived. However, thus is not the case when it comes to us. I know the majority of my relationships have gone sour due to concentrating on the qualities she lacks rather than the ones she did possess. When I argue, when I struggle with you. I’m struggling, I’m arguing with myself for every fault I find in you is a denied weakness in myself like Jealousy, Faith, Trust, etc.

Jealousy. Jealousy is that pain that strickens me when humbled with apprehension that I’m not equally loved by you. My jealousy is sparked by the fear abandonment and the thoughts of you being in the arms of another.
Faith. Since I’ve arrived on this edge of all light that I know of and about to step forth into the darkness of the unknown. My faith in us tells me there will be solid ground ahead, and my faith in you has taught me to fly if there isn’t. Now I know the point of any relationship is to make each other life easier and to experience peace provide it for another outside of yourself.

Trust. It is nothing more than exposing yourself to love and the heartaches induced by someone you deeply trust.
I been guilty on plenty of occasions thinking I know all there is to know about relationships, and in these stubborn notions left no room for growth. Only by letting go can we grow. This might come off as unusual but I wish I had amnesia so I could submerge myself in the different depths of you.

Sincerely,

Shane

Love Letter 12

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:36:35 +0000

From: Shane P.

Date: October 27, 2009

To: Shileta G.

Subject: I Love You

Dear Shileta,
In between the silence apathy echoes in the emptiness of my chest. You could have dug into my flesh with the dullest of blades and I would have welcomed your knife because those cuts will always scab and heal.

I wonder if you think of me.

Sometimes I can’t find words to speak of my sorrow. My love, the very definition of Misery. She loves my company and so does everyone else I threw away. Now I’m back, lies against the wind and on my loneliest of days I can still hear you like a song among the trees banging in my head. Banging along the leaves. Panic through manic emotions pleasing agony.

I could have lifted you, but instead left you there to hang. Dangling from the tips of my fingers. Hooked on what it feels like to die.

I am the tortured, a cyclone of emotive disaster with a crown of every sin represented in thorns.

Here I come to you on bending knees confessing aloud my sins. I know true remorse isn’t just a regret of consequences but of motive. Forgiveness might not change our past but it can alter our future.

You are like a sweet forest of pleasant glades and whispering branches where people wander on and on in its playing shadows they know not how far. And when they come near the center of it, it is all cold and impenetrable and when they turn to run. They are hedged with thorns and cannot escape…

You are like the bright, soft, swelling, lovely fields of a high glacier covered with fresh morning snow which is heavenly to the eye. Soft and winning on the foot but beneath, there are winding clefts and dark places in its cold, cold ice, where men fall, and rise never again. Men like me who have turned your heart into an ice box.

I do not know how to express or analyze the conflicting emotions that have surged like a storm through my heart all night long. I only know that first and foremost in all my thoughts has been the glorious confirmation you gave me the other night. Without effort, unconditionally giving me a chance to right all my wrongs I’ve inflicted against your love for me.

You have the greatest soul, the humblest nature, the sweetest, most loving heart I have ever known, and my love, my reverence, my admiration for you, you have increased every evening I’ve known you as I should have thought only a lifetime of intimate, loving association could have increased them.

You are more wonderful and lovely in my eyes than you ever were before; and my pride and joy and gratitude that you should love me with such a perfect love are beyond all expression, except in some great poem which I cannot write.

Sincerely,

Shane

Love Letter 11

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:34:24 +0000

From: Shileta G
Date: October 25, 2009

To: Shane

Subject: Love Letter

Dear Shane,

To Love someone you haven’t met in the person says a lot and almost nothing at all. I have never known Love and still don’t think it has made itself familiar with me. Yet, you seem to know exactly what you want…and me I can’t fade it. I’m still learning trying to get it right so I still have my share of mistakes to make at Love’s expense. Maybe, the years have been unkind to us both when it comes to Love showing us the kinder side of her, but nothing can be gained if we don’t open our eyes and our hearts to what’s right in front of us. Leaving the past behind to welcome something better and possibly even more beautiful than the experiences of our past.

Is it because of past lives we fear that Love can only being us pain? So, we no longer know the joy it can bring. The sun rises when the moon sets and yet…we still can’t produce the amount of strength to go a day without love ruining us…why do those of a less faith in love seem to trust no one but themselves? Because they believe that trusting themselves will leave them less vulnerable to Love’s pain. While those who hold on to Hope believe in Soul mates, Monogamy, and Loyalty…and swear by Love’s hand that there’s someone out there for everyone.

For us to find each other was not written among the stars. Unsure of what the future has in store believing that our present actions predict our future there for we never had one. Yet were here hand and hand together making it work…or at least trying to. There’s no harm in that-hopefully something good will come of it. In order for that to happen you must be all in and take a chance on Love and maybe even risk it all.

If your words were my own…I’d write the most beautiful stanzas just so you’d know how much I truly cared. Though I may not be in love with you I love you as a person and everything that God has made you to me you are prefect…sometimes (lol). You were right I am confused but that’s mainly because my experiences differ from your and I believe age does play a factor, but when in Love age is nothing but a number so it’s in Love I trust (lol).

Truly,

Shileta (SLG)

Love Letter 10

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:32:59 +0000

From: Shane P.

Date: October 25, 2009

To: Shileta G.
Subject: Love Letter

Dear Shileta,
My queen and empress. You the palpitations of my heart, my highest and most precious, my all and everything, my girlfriend, my tragic play. You are my second better self, my virtues, my merits, my hope, the forgiveness of my sins, my future sanctity, My woman of God, my intercessor, my guardian angel, my cherubim and seraph. It’s you that I love.I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever precious, your heart, and your soul. Beauty one could get to know and fall in love with in one hour and cease to love it as quickly; but the soul one must learn to know. Believe me; nothing on earth is given without labor, even love, the most beautiful and natural of feelings.

Could I exist without you? Yes, but I would rather not. (lol) I am forgetful of everything but speaking to you again, and my life seems to stop there. I can see no further for have absorbed me.

I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving.

Sincerely,

Shane

Love Letter 9

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:28:39 +0000

From: Shileta G.

Date: October 24, 2009

To: Shane P.
Subject: Love Letter

Dear Shane,

I know it’s been a while since I last wrote you some loving words. I haven’t felt overwhelmed with such emotions to pen those words to write. Yet, and still, I sit here writing something that I hope would be emotionally touching and forever etched in your mind because the greatest words of love are penned from the heart. The greatest of poets have written books of poems confessing their love to the one who has seeming gained entrance to that spot in their heart where only God dwells.

Love is something most complicated and for us it’s most certainly apparent. I wonder everyday about were “us” will end up…the lies I tell myself to believe that you really want to be with me. Some in me says in your heart you do but your actions prove otherwise. I seem to be unable to find what is that you bring to me. Ever since you told me how much of an impact I’ve had on your life- I was deeply touched. I didn’t believe that I could have an affected on anyone they way that you said I have had an affect on you. I guess now I’m just looking for someone to have that effect on me.

I’ll admit I’m scared of a lot of things and loving you was defiantly one. I still don’t think I get it right, but I’m trying it’s a lot that you can’t do for me because your not here and vise versa but like I said I try. Love from a distance is hard either way no matter the distance right? I guess that was all apart of me taking this risk. I’m in love the idea that we can built something. So I’ll keep holding on in hopes that we can make this work.

Truly,

Shileta (SLG)

Love Letter 8

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:27:22 +0000

From: Shane P.

Date: October 10, 2009

To: Shileta G.

Subject: I Love You

Dear Shileta,There is no past that can be brought back by for it for there is only an eternally new now that builds and creates itself out of the best as the past withdraws. The beauty of the past is that it’s the past and the beauty of the now is to know it. The beauty of the future is to see where we are going. Sometimes it’s sadder to find the past again just to find it inadequate to the present than it is to have it elude you and remain forever a harmonious conception of a memory. The distraction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. Only by the acceptance of the past can we alter it.

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is the creations of our mind, and in my mind I can only think of you.

I love you,

Nicholas Shane Paulk

Love Letter 7

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:24:30 +0000

From: Shane P.

Date: September 18, 2009

To: Shileta G.

Subject: I Love You

Dear Shileta,

Love. In that word, beautiful alike in all languages, but most in ours. I love you is comprised my existence here and hereafter. I feel I exist here, I feel I shall exist hereafter, but to what degree you will decide. My destiny rests with you, my future rests with you, and you are a woman, decades of age. I love you, and you love me, at least, you say so, and act as if you do which last is a great consolation in all events. As you know I more than love you, and can’t cease to you love. Think of me, sometimes, when distance and the military divide us, but they never will, unless you wish it.I am nearly mad about you, as much as one can be mad: I cannot bring together two ideas that you do not interpose yourself between them.

I can no longer think of anything but you. In spite of myself, my imagination carries me to you. I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you, a thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me.

As for my heart, there you will always be – very much so. I have a delicious sense of you there. But my God, what is to become of me, if you have deprived me of my reason? This is a monomania which, this morning, terrifies me.

Love Always,

Shane

Love Letter 6

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:22:58 +0000

From: Shileta G.
Date: September 18, 2009

To: Shane P.

Subject: I Love You

Dear Shane,

I’m so at a loss for words…when moments have come and gone. I can smile due to an instant replay of memories…those moments remain vivid and timeless. I wish my heart was quick enough to heal itself so LOVE wouldn’t take as long to take hold of me…you once asked me how you could get me open…and still there is no answer I can give to but your mind or heart at ease. When I wonder about ‘us’ and a possible future…it comes with a list of uncertainties that I can’t make go away. I worry knowing that there’s things I can’t control in what we share do to circumstances and situations. I think that over the last few weeks you have shown me a side of you I never would have imagined I ever get the chance to see. I wonder if you’d go A-WOL for me like that scene in the movie This Christmas just because you LOVEd me. I wonder if those waters run that deep when you hear my voice. I’m just taken by surprise because we both know that this new found sense of understanding of one another has turned a tide of negativity into something much more profound. Even when we are texting it doesn’t seem to have the same effect as it use to. See, it no longer seems be as potent as your voice in my ear.

I think LOVE comes most beautiful in its written form and this is why I write this. I let my mind guide these words because my heart can’t define this. Shattered beyond repair so superglue won’t work to repair these wounds…these wounds will take time to heal.

But for all that you’ve told me for all that’s been expressed through words penned here in elsewhere in my honor. I’m thankful that you care.

It is with LOVE I fight this battle time and time again. So I’ve moved up in ranks…and the five stars I wear are displayed proudly Strength, Courage, Loyalty, Hope, and Faith most of all. See, LOVE knows I don’t quit but I don’t give in easy…I won’t tear down those walls I worked so hard to built…at least not yet…not until Trust is earned. I should probably add a star for Risk because just loving you is a risk I take knowingly with deeper fears of just not knowing.

It is to you I write that last paragraph because it is you who’d understand that LOVE is a scary thing and you’ve been so understanding…and for that I thank you.

Truly,

Shileta

Love Letter 5

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:21:09 +0000

From: Shane P.

Date: September 17, 2009
To: Shileta G.
Subject: Break-up…or Brokenhearted (not your letter lol)

Dear Shileta,

First glance, the chance of future romance was conveyed in a vision that made my heart freeze.
So my mouth just stretched and teeth were showing my eyes were glowing from the vision of she.
Sniffle….gasping for breath I believe that this confidence to chance with romance was in me.
So I stepped to the plate……but was fate on my side on this day with my chance to verbalize my whole me.
To exhibit how I feel while remaining all the real to my heart to my soul to my mind that’s a maze,
The ejection of love was delivered to my blood from the One up above…..it’s the honeymoon phase.
Now it’s the peak of my happiness the joy of my day my purpose for living is to make your heart bliss
From the smile on your face to the touch of your hand to the breath that you breathe to the love of your kiss.
No problems my shelter my refuge was her so my problems never felt them behind me a blur.
I left them outside when I came into this zone, this place where our love’s grown this place I call home,
And we just appreciate all of the times that we spent just listening to shared breaths, oxygen loanedTime goes by but love doesn’t die but gets tested its restless from feeling alive.
So problems arise by wearing disguise undercover small problems hit ultimate high.
Do I love her any less…no not at all because problems arise and we stumble and fall.
The distance between us won’t allow us each other fully so even the smallest of problems are so hard to call.
Rollercoaster of emotions that would all be stable If our voices were enough to get through the storm
But the love is so much when we can’t feel our touch together no pleasure our stability is torn.
Harsh words said while going angry to bed it’s sad my head just won’t let it go,
No more cheesin’ and blushing my blood is just rushing I can’t breathe I believe I gave you my soul.
But sometimes in some lives it’s just not enough when the love is so strong and we can’t feel the touch
Of the one person that we want the most, so bad that even others can’t steal our lust.
The lust that we have for each other no other its exclusive abusive when we can’t feel each other,
So its leaves us to cry or crazy desire for the one the we argued with to say I just love her.
If that isn’t enough and the pressure is there and we just can’t adjust to the space in the air
It hurts so much when your love is your crutch but they just can’t be the person to stay and be there.
Break up……..no its more like broken heart but sometimes it’s something that’s better for both
But there’s no way to tell and know way to know when the one pushed away is the one you want close.

Sincerely,

Shane

Love Letter 4

RelentlezThoughtz — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:19:45 +0000

From: Shileta G.

Date: September 16, 2009

To: Shane P.

Subject: Heartbreak

Dear Shane my Distant Love,

I question our love. I’ve questioned myself every night since we’ve made that official vow in monogamy-to be true to one another at all cost. I don’t question whether or not I love you-I know that I love you. And for all that has taken place over the past two weeks I applauded the effort you’ve put forth to make this work, but in the end I feel as though I will never be able to love you fully-I will never be in love with you. I feel as if I’m a burden to your heart as you are to mine, but I know only one of our hearts honestly feels that way and I’m sad to say that its mine. It hurts my pen to scribe such lines. Lines penned due to indifference and my emotional state of confusion. So I write this hoping it will bring some clarity to all the things that plague me now and in weeks past. Being with you is still being without you. I am at best still the same. Can’t say that I’m happier being with you because I don’t know what actually being with you is like. We hold the titles of the roles we auditioned to play. Yet I believe that this can only end in tragedy. With me breaking your heart and you hating me for it. Like Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet we are in my eyes star crossed lovers. To me this love is not meant to be. Not like this, not in this moment. With me on chapter 22 and you on 26 I feel the things we want are the same but me I’m not willing to make such changes not now, not yet. I would ask you to wait for me but I know that’s not where your heart is…so I’ll let you go in hopes that you’ll remember the best of ‘us’ and in time forgive me for any pain I’ve caused. This is not good-bye this is see you later for the future. For that day when we may cross paths again and everything a new.
This is not something that I wish that your eyes glance upon. For in my moment of weakness I just need to vent.

Truly Yours,

Shileta :*